Getting Rid of Debt
Reflecting on where I was in 2017—before I found my voice through advocacy.
I wrote this back in 2017 on Medium, during a season of my life when I felt caught between who I was and who I thought I needed to be. Living with a rare disability can leave you feeling low and lost. Everything felt unfair, and I often felt misunderstood. I was at a disadvantage—and yet still held to able-bodied standards. I couldn’t find my place.
I didn’t have the language for it then, but I was beginning to recognize the invisible debts we carry—to family, to society, to the versions of ourselves we’ve outgrown. Years later, re-reading this passage reminds me how loud those inner expectations can be and how powerful it is to finally say, “enough.”
If you’ve ever felt like you owed the world a version of yourself just to be accepted… this one’s for you.
Image Description: A photo I took of the sunset at Kitsilano Beach in Vancouver, BC, shortly after writing this piece, during a life-changing trip to the area. It was the first time I felt a weight lift off me — a moment of clarity, as I began planning my next move.
I’m not talking about financial debt. I’m talking about the kind of debt we carry in our minds — that subconscious feeling that we owe someone something. Not money, but something heavier. Something we can’t hold in our hands, but feel pressing down on our chest.
A quiet, constant sense of not being enough.
This “enough” can look like a lack of material success or a lack of self-worth. Whatever form it takes, we end up chained to it — driven by a need to prove ourselves, to seek approval, and to make others happy.
It’s invisible but powerful. Our minds are experts at turning nothing into a problem.
But why? Why do we care so much what others think? Why do we feel so small when we don’t meet these made-up expectations or timelines? Why do we let someone else's definition of success define our worth?
It needs to stop.
We have to stop obsessing over how others might judge us — and more importantly, we have to stop judging ourselves unfairly.
We each have our own path. Our own story. Our own timing. So why are we all trying to meet the same standard?
We need to let go of the imaginary pressure and remember: It’s not real.
Mark Manson says it best — stop giving a fuck.
There’s so much noise out there. And the loudest, most dangerous noise often comes from those closest to us.
So, be brave. Be bold. Be extra badass — and carry on.
“You have to confirm to yourself, not anybody else, confirm to yourself that you’re the best, period.”
— Kendrick Lamar, Beats 1 Interview, 2017
From here on out, let’s stop giving our power away. We know what’s best for us.
We keep searching outside ourselves for answers, for signs, for permission — when the truth has always been inside.
That’s what it really means to “follow your heart” or “trust your gut.”
Be mindful. Be aware of your habits, your beliefs, and your triggers.
You don’t owe anyone a damn thing. Your only job is to make yourself proud.
Everyone else is secondary.
Know your worth. Love yourself first.
That way, when someone tries to make you feel small, you can laugh — completely untouched by their ignorance, their projections, and their false expectations that don’t exist.
It’s like they say: Fuck the haters and keep doing you.
As long as you believe in yourself, no one can bring you down. Because you’re creating your own joy. You’re writing your own story. And the way you see yourself shapes the life you navigate this world.
So, what I’m really saying is this: You can’t be in debt if you’re rich on the inside.
Looking back, I can see how much of this still rings true — maybe even more so now as my disability progresses. I’ve lived through enough seasons of shedding, rebuilding, and relearning to know that self-worth isn’t a milestone you reach — it’s a practice. A remembering. A quiet knowing that no one else can give you, and no one can take away.
If you’re in a place where you feel like you’re constantly proving or performing just to feel enough — take a breath. You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. You don’t owe anyone a version of yourself that no longer feels true or doesn’t feel right.
You get to reclaim your time, your voice, your energy. You get to define what success and peace look like for you. And most of all — you get to be rich on the inside, on your own terms. Remember, you’re the creator of your world, and we only get one shot at life.
With love,
Kae